Learning To Forgive
It is in healing our wounds that we bring light into our broken pieces.
- STACEY FOLEY
It is from an opened heart that we must learn to forgive. The contradiction is not lost on me, as it is our hearts that close in the face of pain. At words spoken with too much harshness. At mistakes made that feel too unforgiveable. At life circumstances that feel heavy with despair. The unfairness of it all weighing on our chests, our hearts closing in each of these moments and the opening feels all but impossible.
But it is from an opened heart that we must forgive. A heart that has begun to heal. To find a moment of empathy and understanding. A heart that understands that we do not forget the pain, but we must forgive to set ourselves free. We forgive to release ourselves from the darkness of bitterness and hate. We forgive to move forward, because without forgiveness, we will always remain a prisoner of the pain.
The journey to finding forgiveness is not easy, and I do not mean to make it sound as such. No the journey to forgiveness is long and dark. The pain that arises feels heavy and unbearable. The weight of it all sits on your chest and in the worst moments, it feels impossible to breathe. Impossible to move on. But as you begin to heal with each tear shed, each piercing scream released, each moment of sitting with the emotions instead of running from them, the weight begins to lighten. The darkness seemingly begins to fade. And in time, our hearts begin to open again. Do not put an expectation on this amount of time, simply allow it to come. For there is no limit on how long it takes to heal, there is only the knowing that we must.
I have found myself in the dance with forgiveness many times in my life. Forgiveness I have had to give to the darkest of souls. To words and actions that threatened to break me like a tree in the worst of storms. Forgiveness for those who I have allowed to treat me poorly. Forgiveness for mistakes that have become life’s greatest lessons. And I have also sought forgiveness from those I love most. Forgiveness for the darkness that consumed me and became my worst enemy. Forgiveness for betrayals that I would give anything to take back. Forgiveness for years that I wish the same. And in the most difficult of all lessons, I have sought forgiveness from myself. It is that dance that is the hardest to learn. One that lingers in my soul and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. My heart continues to try, but the darkness within is relentless.
So I work on my heart. I remember that I am love. I am not the mistakes that I have made. I am not the trauma that has followed me around for years. I am not the suffering that I have had to endure. The pain of the past cannot be taken away, but everything I do moving forward is what matters the most. It is in healing our wounds that we bring light into our broken pieces. It is in finding forgiveness for ourselves and others, that we reconnect to love. Not love for the pain, or the person, or the situation that created it. No. Forgiveness is finding love for the self. It’s knowing that without it, we become the tortured souls that inflict the pain upon others. It is a deep knowing that by connecting to love, we are choosing the highest road of all. It is knowing that even without closure, or the words we hoped to hear, we can still forgive, because forgiveness is not something we give to the other person, forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves. The gift that allows us to move forward. To heal. To love ourselves more than the darkness. To come to a place in life that finally feels hopeful. Peaceful. It is in forgiving that we begin to find our way back home to ourselves.
- Stacey Foley
STACEY FOLEY
Writer | Speaker | Teacher
