The Art of Losing Yourself

Sep 19

It happens when you least expect it, the losing of oneself. It can happen in the most mundane moments. The moments in between the big stuff. The moments when you choose to neglect your needs instead of prioritizing yourself. The moments when you stay silent in an argument instead of voicing your opinion. The moments when you chase a dream that’s not for you, because you want to please someone around you. We lose ourselves in those simple moments the same way the moon fades with the sunrise, slowly at first until we can no longer see who we are.

We lose ourselves to the babies that we so desperately wanted, but forgot to remain ourselves while raising. We lose ourselves to the careers that we chased with fervor and hustle only to find ourselves dreaming of another life. We lose ourselves to the partners that we love and cherish, simply because we forget to cherish ourselves at the same time. We lose ourselves to the millions of roles and titles that we have given ourselves everyday, forgetting that the most important one is ME.

And in the darkest of times, we lose ourselves in the wake of the most painful moments. We find ourselves lost and wandering through life simply trying to survive, often numbing out the pain of trauma, loss and grief with a concoction of substances and vices that distract us from reality. We wake each morning hoping that the truth is a lie, only to rediscover again and again that this is life. We wonder if it will ever end.

It is hard to be a lost self. The heaviness lingers like a fog on a cool morning. You dream of being able to see past it, to lift it off your shoulders and find your way back to the light, but most days the fog feels too dense and impossible to get through. You wake to find yourself staring at a stranger in the mirror, wondering who she is and how she became you. You wander aimlessly through life finding yourself moving from place to place, but not truly knowing where you are. Your minutes turn into hours, hours that are spent dreaming of a different life. A life with purpose. A life that that leaves you feeling again.

But we are not lost souls forever.

Just as the dawn of a new day brings hope to the soul, it brings light to the dark. It reminds us that we are so much more. More than the pain we carry. More than the lessons we must endure. More than our pasts that continue to trail behind us. We are the light in someone else’s eyes. We are the comfort to those who need it most. We are the loving embrace to arms that ache. We are the presence that’s longed for.

The darkness does not determine your ability to shine.

Find your light again.

Find it in the passions that set your soul on fire and leave you longing for more. Find it in the small moments that remind you of the beauty of being alive. Find it in the laughter shared with those you love most. Find it in the ebb and flow of the changing seasons. Find it in the way the light dances on your walls in the early morning hours. Find it in the comforting darkness as another day slips through your fingertips. Find it in the knowing that your existence is not an accident, you have great things to become.

- Stacey Foley